Top 5 Ways That a Baby is like a Bad Boss

Today is my first day home alone with the Geek Baby. Holly and I are both taking parental leave, for a variety of reasons, and we’re spending the month switching off with that to ease ourselves and the Geek Baby into it.

In honor of this transition day, and to use the amusing thoughts that passed through my mind this morning as I switched from one job to another, here are the top 5 ways that staying home with the Geek Baby is like working for a terrible boss!

I imagine there are Dilbert strips to match all of these.

#5 – Against Technology

When I hear people talking about bad bosses and work environments these days, I usually hear something about a luddite sort of boss who is against technology. We just started watching the first season of House of Cards, for instance, and you see it at the newspaper.

Well, the Geek Baby is anti-technology! When we’re holding our phone up to take pictures, for instance…well, suddenly it’s a frown instead of a smile. And now she’s noticed the existence of the TV and other screens, and all of a sudden we’re having to avoid having her become transfixed!

#4 – Not Pulling Their Weight

They’re in charge, and they know it. But when it comes to getting tasks done, the baby just does not contribute! Doesn’t pull her weight. What the heck? That’s generally the worst thing in a teamwork setting – the person who doesn’t pull their weight, yet wants and gets the same outcome!

And when it’s the person in charge? That’s worse! And when the activity is all for them? What the heck? But so it goes… I’m shlepping all the stuff, doing all the cleanup, like Iron Man says… I’m literally lifting all the heavy things. But she gets all the credit! Cute apparently has a lot of value…

#3 – Shouting

The stereotypical activity of a bad boss is to just all of a sudden be shouting at you. And you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong. Like it’s out of nowhere. That it’s unstoppable.

Which is not only inevitable with a baby, but it’s literally happening right now. While I write this… Lots of shouting, and lots of not knowing why it’s happening. You spend time learning, figuring out what the screams are about, anticipating them and getting out ahead of them – solving the problem before it’s a problem, or at least being ready for it. Being ready for the angry boss…

#2 – Same %&#@, Different Day

Am I going for the pun here? Yes, maybe I am. Probably. Okay, definitely. There’s a lot of literal poop that goes on with a baby. And a lot of figurative poop with a bad boss.

Still. It’s so true.

#1 – It Seemed Like Such a Good Idea to Work for Family…

There’s lots of stories about it being bad to work with family (or even your friends), because if anything does go really wrong, if there are big disagreements. If lines start being drawn, sides taken, things like that. Plus, it can mess with your ability to “leave work at work.”

Which, there’s definitely a problem there… the baby is still here! And it’s after the work day! Oh noes! I live with the boss!

Holly’s response.

This has all been in good fun, and I hope you enjoyed! What reasons would you add to the list?